So, imagine you are a former Baptist who spends much of her time encouraging other Baptists (and non-Baptists) to enjoy the fruit of the vine. (See: Psalm 104:15) (Hi Mom!)
Imagine, also, that you are a traveling saleswoman whose territory covers twenty-seven states in the nation. (No, that is not a typo. Twenty-seven. 27. XXVII.)
And then imagine that much of your travel includes dinners with other salespeople, Baptist and non-Baptist alike, as well as happy hour and after-dinner drinks in the hotel bar.
You might imagine yourself with a hangover. But you would imagine wrong.
There is a secret, my dear Baptist friends, to drinking in groups. Allow me to present A Party Guide for Baptists:
1. Stick to one type of beverage. Drink only wine. Or only beer. Or only vodka cocktails. Whatever your favorite. Stick to it. Don’t go spirit hopping. (You’re Baptist, remember, not a Pentecostal.) (Hi Dad!)
2. Go slowly. Enjoy just one beverage per hour. And really enjoy it. You’re not a party animal; you’re a Baptist. Take it slow and easy.
3. Drink lots of water. Some folks space a glass of water between each adult beverage, and some enjoy their water and wine jointly throughout the evening. Whatever floats your boat. (Hah! Pun intended.) Just remember to be kind to your liver and give it plenty of H2O to work with.
4. Rest. Get some sleep. You’re probably staying up later than you normally would, so sleep in if you can. And if you can’t, begin your day with more water before hitting the hotel coffee bar.
5. In the unlikely event of an actual hangover, see rule #3. Drink more water. And then drink some more water. Have an Advil or two. And then drink even more water. Forget the magical hangover cures – the only thing that works for sure is giving your liver the tool it needs to process the alcohol. And drink more water.
6. Don’t forget that even Jesus enjoyed a good party. Remember that wedding story in John 2? Six stone jars, holding 20-30 gallons each. That’s the equivalent of 100-150 bottles of wine. AFTER the party was already drunk! AND He saved the best for last. See? Jesus = Party Animal. True story.
So there you go, dear ones, the Baptist guide to enjoying the party. Have fun!